A long long long long time ago, before the wind, before the snow, lived a man lived a man lived a man I know… ” (Sir Psycho Sexy, Red Hot Chili Peppers)
No, not really. But the other day I was thinking about THINKING. And I was thinking – what if THINKING was a guy?
INT. BAR – NIGHT
THINKING is just a lonely guy, sitting at a bar, after a hard day slaving away at a desk job he hates. Mind numb. Eyes glazed.
He’s stuck not wanting to go home to his little bachelor pad because there’s no one to welcome him home, and too many dishes piling up in the sink.
He is sitting, nursing his scotch-and-dry (double) dwelling in his own stagnation, when the BARTENDER comes up.
BARTENDER
Want another?
THINKING
(not looking up)
Yup.
BARTENDER
Hey, Emo boy, why are you drinking all alone tonight?
[Thinking looks at his drink, swishing the ice around.]
THINKING
I’m working on this creative brief at work and I just can’t come up with anything. All day, everyday, I sit in my little cubicle, alone, no real contact, no sharing. My back aches from being hunched over my computer and I just can’t seem to catch a break. I feel blank, mate. I can’t do it anymore. All the creativity has seeped out of me. I sit and I try and try to come up with something. But nothing. I’m so…frustrated.
The Bartender looks at Thinking for a moment, wiping the inside of a glass out with a tea towel.
BARTENDER
You do seem a little… Stressed.
[Thinking tries to wipe the creases from his forehead.]
THINKING
Yeah.
BARTENDER
Mate, let me be brutally honest. And don’t take offence. When was the last time you had some action?
THINKING
Huh… Well…
BARTENDER
I think it could be just what you need. Let loose a little. Have some fun. Get amongst it.
[Thinking looks up, raises his eyebrows, looks around.]
THINKING
Ha, yeah. Maybe you’re right. Not much happening here tonight though, and I hate to admit it but I think I’ve forgotten what to do?
BARTENDER
C’mon. A good looking guy like yourself. Never!
THINKING
Nah really. I don’t even know where to start. What do you suggest Romeo?
BARTENDER
Hmm, well. What is the first thing you say when you talk to a girl you like?
THINKING
Would you mind if I take a lock of your hair?
BARTENDER
Oh dear god. You, sir, are in need of some serious help.
THINKING
Are you qualified?
BARTENDER
Am I qualified? Pfft. I’m a bloody bartender. They should be paying me the big dollars. All bartending is, is pouring drinks and listening to people’s problems. Sheesh. I might install a chaise lounge at the end of the bar, for all the nut jobs I have to listen to each night. And, mind you, without so much as a thanks.
I tell ya, the tips are bad but the pay is worse.
THINKING
Present company exluded, right?
BARTENDER
No! Present company very much included.
THINKING
Haha. Well, I would be much obliged if you could help me out of my dilemma.
BARTENDER
(scratching his beard)
Well, how do you feel about a bit of roleplay?
THINKING
Oooh. What did you have in mind?
BARTENDER
Well, let’s pretend we’re on a date.
[Thinking looks at the bartender cockeyed.]
BARTENDER
I’m serious. You want some action right? Maybe you just need the practise.
So, I’ll be the girl, you be, well, you. And we’ll just see how it goes. See how you handle yourself okay?
THINKING
Okay… I guess.
BARTENDER
So we’re sitting at dinner, or at a bar, or whatever.
THINKING
Are you sure you’re not just trying to hit on me?
BARTENDER
Well, maybe a little. But I’m also here to help you out. You in?
THINKING
I’m in.
BARTENDER
That was a little too easy.
THINKING
Hey, I can’t be choosy. Plus, I have a confession.
BARTENDER
I’m not a priest!
THINKING
Luckily! I’d be sent straight to hell.
BARTENDER
I can’t hand out Hail Mary’s, but I sure do make a mean Bloody Mary.
THINKING
Really? I’ll be sure not to say Bloody Mary three times in the mirror then!
BARTENDER
(rolling eyes)
Nice one, tiger. Anyway, what’s this confession?
THINKING
Well, I can’t deny I do love a bit of roleplay. To be honest it’s a bit of a turn on.
BARTENDER
Okay, keep it clean.
THINKING
No, really. You can be whoever you want to be. I don’t even mind donning a dress and heels when the occasion calls for it, or the need arises.
BARTENDER
I’m sure you do. So what sort of occasion would require one so manly to ‘don’ a dress and heels?
THINKING
Oh any saturday night will do me. Haha. I like to be able to step out of my own shoes and into another’s. Not literally – or maybe literally?
BARTENDER
Pair of Louboutins perhaps?
THINKING
Er, no. I’m more of a Jimmy Choo guy myself.
BARTENDER
But of course.
THINKING
The thing is sometimes I just want to be someone else. It’s great to be able to be another character. See things from another’s point of view. And well, it’s fun. And because I am the kind of guy who likes to lose himself in the moment – you want it, you better never let it go , yo
[Thinking breaks off into Lose Yourself by Eminem.]
BARTENDER
Ok. Stop. Stop right now.
THINKING
Sorry, distracted. Can I grab another Scotch?
[The Bartender pours him a scotch and pushes it towards him, shaking his head.]
[When you feel stagnant, when you can’t find the solution. Whenever you need to see things from another perspective, whether it be for a client or for a fictional character, taking on another persona, playing it out, can bring a whole new outlook on your approach and what it is you are trying to achieve.]
THINKING
Sorry, I’m not much of a singer.
BARTENDER
No you’re not. So how would you describe yourself handsome?
THINKING
No, not so much handsome, as maybe dashing. Or average?
BARTENDER
Okay smart arse. Looks aside. What character would you be if you were in a movie?
[CHARACTER TYPE]
THINKING
Can’t go past an Action hero. Being an action type of guy myself, you know, the penultimate action hero. Kidding. Not kidding.
BARTENDER
Oh really? Action Man? Not what I would’ve picked. Since, well, it seems as though you haven’t been getting any action lately. And the whole point of this is for you to get some, more action.
THINKING
Nice. Way to kick a man when he’s down. So then, what would you have picked then?
BARTENDER
I dunno. Librarian I guess, someone quieter, more thoughtful.
THINKING
I’m a little insulted. And nope. If I could be anything I’d be an action hero. I’m a thrillseeker. I love using my mind and body. I like the thrill of being in the middle of everything.
BARTENDER
So he likes a bit of action hey? Regardless of his inability to get any!
THINKING
Jeez, so harsh. But yes, the more action the better. I hate to keep still for too long. I just feel as if I shut down when I have to sit at a desk, old ball and chain. That dark cloud comes over me and I lose focus. Ideas fly back out the window. It’s crazy but I can’t do the sit still thing for very long at all. Despite what people might think.
[Be active and go and seek ideas everywhere. Be actively involved in what you’re doing. How free were we all as children? How easily were we able to create? We never really thought about what it was we were creating we just did.]
BARTENDER
Ok then Chuck Norris, what are some of your interests? Some of your hobbies? What sort of stuff do you like to do?
[GAMES]
THINKING
Well I like to consider myself a bit of a Player. So…
BARTENDER
(rolling eyes)
Sure stud. Looks around…how’s that working for ya?
THINKING
Well. Quiet night.
BARTENDER
Maybe you just don’t have game.
THINKING
Oh no, I’ve got games. Lots of them actually. Monopoly, GTA 5, Guess Who?
BARTENDER
This is why you are so sad. And alone.
THINKING
Well Yeah. I got to keep busy. I like to play. I am ALL for play. I love to play games, be actively involved in what I’m doing whether it’s in games or in creation. Anything really.
BARTENDER
Mind games?
THINKING
Well…
BARTENDER
Handball?
THINKING
Ha! I’m into the sort of games that when you’re playing you can make active choices. Not just a ‘follow along.’ I like the puzzle kind and the roleplaying kind. I like the ones where you can immerse yourself in it. Have to think about your next move, but still be actively involved you know?
BARTENDER
So you want to play a game right now then?
THINKING
Sure. What did you have in mind? Truth or dare. Spin the bottle?
BARTENDER
Ever played the Cheetohs Game?
THINKING
Nope?
BARTENDER
Ok so you grab a bag of Cheetohs, and you have to see how many you can fit in your mouth, at the one time.
THINKING
Great. I just love putting balls in my mouth.
BARTENDER
(winking)
I could tell that bout you.
[Hands over the bag of Cheetohs. Thinking puts one in his mouth, and then another. Very slowly. He does this until the pack is empty. Takes his time. The Cheetohs dissolve as he puts them in slowly. Soon the whole packet is gone.]
THINKING
That was too easy.
BARTENDER
So you like something a little harder?
THINKING
What can I say, I love a challenge.
[When you are moving and acting and playing and allowing yourself to think and react, problems are more easily solved. When you make a game of what you’re doing it feels less like work and more like play. It’s a great tool for visualisation as well as idea creation.]
BARTENDER
So the harder types of games then? Not just Snakes and Ladders?
THINKING
No give me something I can sink my teeth into. Any day. Anytime. Anywhere. Throw these at me baby. I love things and people that challenge me, get me going.
BARTENDER
A bit of hard to get hey?
THINKING
I don’t mind doing the work. I also Love to push the limits. See what I can do, see how far I can push things. Really stretch myself you know.
BARTENDER
Have you tried Yoga, I take classes every Monday and Wednesday.
THINKING
I suppose you’re vegan too huh?
BARTENDER
Yep. I live off hummus.
THINKING
(looking around)
Oh please, won’t someone throw this bitch a steak.
[‘Quiet moments will fill him [Thinking] up, but it’s in the heat of battle that he thrives.’]