Entrepreneurship is a tough gig.
When I started my business in 2005, I was full of energy. I was so excited to finally be on a path that felt right. I’d always known I was meant to do more than sit in a cubicle farm and make someone else rich. Those early days were full of long, caffeine fuelled nights, completing projects for clients before I got up and went to my day job.
I had my first breakdown in 2010. I was exhausted. I’d been working 120 hour (minimum) weeks for 5 years. Funnily enough, the breakdown happened at the height of things going really well. We were in a good place financially. So I relaxed … and found I couldn’t get out of bed for a week.
Being a normally highly motivated person, I beat myself up daily for this.
I called myself lazy and stupid. I gave myself lectures about how being weak wasn’t going to get me my outcome. I tried to force myself to sit in front of the computer and do something … only to have my husband and business partner usher me back to bed.
“It’s pointless,” he’d say. “You’re not doing anything – you’re like a black hole sucking up all of the good vibes … you need to rest.”
It took me a few weeks to really recover from that meltdown. And I didn’t want to go through it again. So I started looking into ways that I could be less weak and lazy … ways to turn myself into a creature made of steel who could work 24 hours a day with no adverse effects.
The REAL Reason You’re
Going To Eat That Ice Cream After
Not Going To The Gym Tonight …
Again ….
In 1998 a group of social psychologists, lead by Roy Baumesiter performed an experiment. (1)
They created a tempting experience for participants and had them resist it. They then asked the participants to complete a complex puzzle task. They found that those who had resisted the temptation in the first instance, subsequently found the task more difficult and persisted with it for a shorter amount of time.
Think of Willpower like a battery.
Everyone starts off with a different amount of charge – some people are more highly charged, some less. This basic charge is highly dependent on your ego level – those who have a strong sense of self and self-esteem in any area of their lives typically have a far higher charge than those with low self-esteem. Either way, though, the basic charge is always limited.
Every time you engage in an activity that requires willpower, you drain the battery in line with the amount of willpower that was required to complete it.
The scientific term for this is “Ego Depletion” – which I love. Ego’s gotten a pretty bad wrap over the last few decades. But the actual definition of Ego is “a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance”.
Willpower and discipline require ego. They require you to have high enough self-esteem to believe that it’s important that you follow through on the promises you make. They require you to feel as though you are important enough to keep a promise to.
That’s why people with depression can come across as “lazy” – because their sense of self and self-esteem are so low that they physically have no willpower. Getting off the couch is literally beyond them. And of course, because their self-esteem is low, they’re likely to blame themselves for not doing better, creating a self-perpetuating cycle of ego-depletion.
What’s interesting about Ego Depletion is that it gives context to a whole range of motivational techniques that professionals have been advising us to use for years. It also provides context as to why those motivational techniques don’t always work.
Ego Depletion is not a get out of jail free card. It’s not an excuse to do no work,
“Ahhh well. I worked out today and that depleted my ego, so I’m not going to make any sales calls!”
It is, however, a real and physical issue that you need to take into account. You can’t work forever with no break. It’s just not possible. You can’t just do all of the horrible things you hate without doing some of the stuff you’re good at and enjoy – no matter how much or a martyr you are, it’s too depleting.
Of course, remember also that self-esteem comes from facing difficult tasks and overcoming them. So keeping a good balance of doing things that are hard and easy is key.
ReCHARGE!
1. Eat the Frog. You’ve probably heard Personal Trainers banging on about how you have to be organised … or business mentors talking about “eating the frog”. Ego Depletion gives us scientific evidence as to why this is important.Start by mapping your day out – list everything that needs doing.Then, organize that list in the order of things you least want to do. Do one of these things first – but then balance it out with a recharging activity. For instance, you might start with a 30 minute jog along the beach, but then go to a café for a coffee. Get back to the office and make sales calls for an hour – but then shoot and edit a marketing video. It’s all about knowing what depletes and charges you.
2. Rewards are more powerful than punishments. Studies found that recharging your willpower battery happens faster when your mood is high(2) – so, after completing a willpower task reward yourself by playing a high energy song, watching a funny movie, doing something that makes you smile, or buying yourself a present. Not only does this work as a reward system to encourage you to continue completing those tasks, the very act of making yourself happy will renew your energy much faster than if your energy was to remain low.Of course the other side to this is not beating yourself up for needing a break or not getting things done. The negative associated emotions will create a situation in which it takes even longer to recover.
3. Mindset is EVERYTHING. I know you know that. But it really is. The thing about the requirement of willpower is that it’s all in your mind … that’s why you might find it difficult to go to the gym – but have absolutely no problems doing an hour long dance class. One thing feels like work – the other feels like fun.With this in mind, the ability to reprogram ourselves becomes crucial. Find a way to make the thing you don’t want to do fun!Hate exercising? Join a dance class, go roller skating or do a martial art. Hate making sales calls? Pour yourself a glass of wine and jump in the pool (or bath!). Find a way to look forward to the thing you don’t want to do.
Personally, I hate flying. 14 hours cooped up with strangers in a metal box is basically my idea of hell. That is, until I reframed myself – now, 14 hour flights are my sanctuary. I’m not available by email or phone. I can take a book and actually get the chance to read, or write – these are the times I get to catch up on things I’m normally too busy to do.
4. Know when you need a break. As a highly motivated entrepreneur, it’s very easy to beat yourself up for not being super-human. It’s easy to see your ego depletion and exhaustion as weakness – as though it’s a failing.The fact is you’re human … and pushing yourself to burnout shouldn’t be a badge of pride.Be in touch with your own energy levels, perform a check-in multiple times a day. And if you’re honestly tired, if your energy is low and your ego depleted, take a break.This whole“I sleep 4 hours a night and work until my eyes bleed!”culture we’ve created in our society isn’t healthy. You literally, physically can’t continue like this forever (and that’s from someone who tried to!).
5. Maintaining high self-esteem is key. Your willpower battery can only hold charge in line with your self-esteem – so you need to ensure that you feel good about yourself. When planning out your day, make sure you include at least one activity that increases your self-esteem.What are self-esteem increasing activities? Typically, things you KNOW you’re good at. Whether that’s a particular sport, shooting a video, playing guitar, writing an article – it doesn’t matter.
Just choose something that makes you feel confident because you KNOW you’ve got this.
References:
1. Baumeister, Bratslavsky, Muarven and Tice (1998) “Ego Depletion: Is the Active Self a Limited Resource?” http://www.psychologytoday.com/files/attachments/584/baumeisteretal1998.pdf
2. Baumeister, Bratslavsky, Muarven and Tice (1998) “Restoring the self: Positive effect helps improve self-regulation following ego depletion”, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 43 (3), pages 379-384
Awesome I had to share this with my friends.
Love it! This sums it up really well. This shit is hard! Everybody just don’t get it and can’t relate. It’s nice to hear others who are successful who are real and can be honest. Thanks for that!
Thanks Shan! I think it’s important for those of us who have “made it” or who are viewed as being successful, to admit that it wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops … because big noting yourself by going on about how it was easy simply makes other people feel like they’re messing up because it’s hard … if success was easy, everyone would be successful. 🙂
I’m speechless. Are you sure you weren’t ACTUALLY writing this with me in mind?
I TOTALLY live in your head Brianna … MWAH HA HA!
Can I just say WOW, WOW, WOW…. this gives me so much clarity, exactly when I needed it. Thank you for this article – I appreciate it and you.
Thank you…so been in this spot, too many times.
Great article Leela. I did wonder if you had super batteries or something like that. Now I realise it’s just a super battery charger.
Wow haven’t seen something like this before. Love the science. Thank you for writing this – it sounded like it was about me personally :-). You rock Leela!
You rock Leela 🙂
Dude, yes.
This is the shit I paid a big price for and learned the hard way a few months ago. Where was this post then?!
Awesome stuff.
SORRY! But also … you wouldn’t have heard me anyway … 😉
Ahemm that MAY be true 😀
Your words are wise and welcome. After going brpt and losing everything, it took me some time before i realized i was depressed not “why am i so lazy?” it’s taking me a lot longer to regroup and reading posts like yours are a great help. the losing a sense of self was the part i stalled dealing with and that is what has been holding me back. Thanks for the helpful words.
Thank you Tim. I have been sitting on the couch and thinking to myself “Why am I so lazy” but your comment about the sense of self made me sit up and take notice. I’ve been trying to get everything else done (which I’ve been struggling to find the motivation to do) before I concentrate on working on “Self” and wondering why I couldn’t manage any of it! Maybe I need to shift my focus. Work on self first and do everything else second. So I thank you Tim, and also Leela for writing this.
Brilliant! Couldn’t be any closer to my reality. Needed to read this in a big way. Thanks!
Hey, pretty informative. It’s stuff I already know, mostly, but phrased in a way that really has an impact. I would say “speaks to me” but it’s not really a fluffy article.
Thanks again
Signed, a struggling college freshman
Great article! I’m living in hell at the moment because I’m a control freak, but I’ve come by your advise at the same moment that I also came to a lot of the same conclusions the hard way! Now I’m taking on help and expanding…. It’s a big step but I know it’s going to be a huge success! Thanks again for the great piece!
Mike
l dont know how you were physically able to work 17 hour days for 5 years…
but l feel your pain, l feel like no one gets how much grinding there is to do… l am learning to love the grind each and every day!
cheers,
Neither do I! A lot of coffee, mainly, I think …
Funnily enough, I think I’m FAR more productive these days working 8-9 hours a day and having a weekend than I was in those days …
In no small part because I no longer see it as a badge of pride to work until my eyes bleed … now I’m all about getting the maximum done in the shortest time possible and then hanging out with my puppies by the pool 🙂
Glad that i read this Now things make a lot more sence
This has gavee a great insight to let people no their not alone!
everyone human with various hang ups and its good to share knowledge to create a Life work balance, which relieves stress and enables inner happiness.I believe and follow a similar strategy to lift my energy levels which i call my daft half an hour, which could be anything from blasting music Having a crazy dance, or a giggle and a laugh, either by your self of with friends or work colegues its really lifts your spirits. Anything goes. Love Feel Good Factors!
Stay POSITIVE<3
Maybe the key is not to overwork yourself in the first place, especially at a job that’s unfulfilling. And buy yourself a present? Maybe finding inner peace is more rewarding.
The key is absolutely not to overwork yourself in the first place – EVEN at a job that’s fulfilling. It’s very easy, when you love what you do, to work all the time and not even think about burnout … “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” – that saying always annoys me because it’s so false.
LOL. I’m sure finding inner peace would be far more rewarding. I also know even the greatest of sages and spiritual teachers spend their entire lives trying to attain that state. It’s a noble goal. But while you’re getting there, you need to have more practical ways of getting happy. Perhaps those presents, for you, would be a week at a meditation retreat or a book on spirituality.
But everyone’s values are different. The point of recharging isn’t to do what someone else thinks you should do – its to do what works for you. If that’s a retreat, awesome. If it’s a Louis Vuitton handbag, great. Putting value judgements around it doesn’t help – everyone is at different levels of progression in their lives and it’s important to choose something that works for you, at this stage in your progression. Doing what you “should” do is a way to certain exhaustion.
Great read! Im at the point almost at the beginning of this story so shall take these points on board to learn to balance and not think i just have to keep working myself into the ground. Nice to read its not just me.. cause you often do think that. Thanks again x
Yikes this was written for me I’m sure! I know I have an amazing product….but I am the WORST procrastinator in the world EVER. At least it all makes more sense to me why I just can’t make myself do what I should be doing….not that that makes it any better!!
This is a great read. I have often found myself wondering about this and it pretty much fits 100% to my life. Thanks a ton! 🙂
Great post! I especially agree with recharge point number 3 – Mind set is everything 🙂 The rest follows. Thanks for sharing your story!
I always claimed that I was the best person for the job because I am lazy. I will get it done with the least amount of fuss because I want it off my desk!
I have decent success motivating myself with small rewards or things to look forward to after different tasks are completed. For example, I needed to confirm my physical inventory Saturday afternoon but “treated” myself to a favorite sports bar showing an event I couldn’t see at home (UFC pay per view). Also, since I wasn’t interested in all the fights + I had to get there early to get a good seat I took my laptop to transfer the inventory to spreadsheet. Even something as simple as working on a 2 hour task you keep blowing off and rewarding yourself with a candy bar can help. I love to find tasks I can do while I watch tv so I don’t feel like I’m completely wasting time while watching it. And with DVR’s they make it easier to pause/get up and check things while still enjoying the TV.