Running a business with your partner isn’t for everyone – some people are really happy just to do their own thing, not to live joined at the hip every moment of every day.
For those of us who go down this path, it’s fraught with difficulty. At the end of the day our way of doing things might not work for you. It takes a lot of trial, error and open communication to find a way of dealing with things that suits you.
Personally, I’ve found working with my husband incredibly rewarding. I see all facets of him on a daily basis. It’s strengthened and deepened our relationship.
But I’ve also seen it rip relationships apart.
My husband Gulliver and I have worked together for the last 7 years. In the beginning, we spent all day less than a metre away from each other, hustling in our tiny apartment next to the railway yards, behind the derelict hotel, just to make enough money to keep the phones on.
We spend most of our time together. We travel, we work – there are literally a handful of days throughout the year when we’re not together.
I’m an introvert. A reserved personality type. Having someone that close to me ALL THE TIME has been an adjustment.
Every few weeks I see a new article rear it’s head on some website or another about how to handle working with your partner.
It’s always the same advice – from people who obviously have no idea about the reality.
We’ve learned to make it work (we’re not divorced yet!) – and let me tell you, it HASN’T been by following the well-meaning, but often very poor, advice you see in those articles.
Here are the top 3 myths I see in all of these articles – and the reality of actually living them …
Myth 1: Separate Business and Personal Lives
Look, that’s a noble thought. But it’s not going to happen.
Especially in the early years, your business is going to consume every waking hour and every single thought. You’ll be thinking about work when you’re not working – and so will your partner. Trying to make small talk and pretend like that’s not a thing will just drive a wedge between you.
I insist that we’re both off the internet by 7pm. There are times we break that rule because there are big things happening that need to be addressed, by generally we stick to it.
But that doesn’t mean that we don’t talk about work after 7pm.
When you were employed, work was a huge part of your life. You’d discuss your boss and office politics with your partner well after you got home. Your business is an even bigger part of your life – why would it be any different?
Maybe there are people out there who are able to draw that imaginary line and hold to it – but it’s certainly never worked for us. So rather than fighting that, we embrace it.
Working together has deepened our relationship on all levels. Why is it a bad thing to talk about something we share and are both passionate about? How is talking about business late into the night “destructive”, but watching 8 hours of TV together is “positive”? Why is it okay to discuss football and gossip but not the empire we’re building?
The only time it becomes an issue is if one of you doesn’t want to talk, needs a break – in our case, we’ll just say that at the beginning of the evening.
“Tonight is a talking nonsense night. I don’t want to talk about business.”
Myth 2: Don’t Bring Your Fights To Work
It’s a good point. It’s common sense. And it’s highly unlikely.
Let’s face it – if you have a huge blow up 5 minutes before work and then you have to work together, there’s going to be tension.
You’re a human being, not a robot.
Of course, this is doubly difficult if you’re still operating from home and not in an office space yet.
I once totally lost my mind at Gulliver in a seminar room in Perth, 5 minutes before we were due to open the doors. I smashed a bunch of stuff (good thing the room was soundproof!). I was exhausted and burned out and I’d found out my Grandfather had passed away as I was boarding the plane and felt guilty about not being with my family.
And that is actually the way I find the whole thing works best.
One of the keys to being in a relationship and working together is that you have to be able to process issues FAST. You can’t afford to be pissed and not talking for 3 days.
Have your tantrum. Say your piece. Get the conversation done. And then move on and do what needs to be done.
Don’t try and suppress these things because now it’s “work time” – that just creates MORE tension and will eventually blow up in your face. Typically at the least opportune moment.
Myth 3: It Should be an Equal Partnership
And with this one I completely and utterly disagree.
The WORST thing you can do is create an “equal” partnership inside of your business. If there’s a deadlock, if you disagree, what will happen? You’ll end up spinning your wheels, not making the decisions that need to be made, while both of you grow more and more resentful of the other one for being stubborn (and if you think that’s not going to affect your sex life, you’re kidding yourself!).
One of you MUST be the leader. And honestly, in most situations I’ve observed, that’s the case anyway.
When Gulliver joined my business, I’d been operating for four years already. I’d done numerous Jay Abraham programs and had really immersed myself in the world of marketing.
Gulliver was coming out of a day job where he was managing a sales team. Gulliver is naturally risk-averse. He likes things to be stable.
I have an extremely high tolerance for risk. I’m willing to bet it all when I know I’m onto something big.
Because of this, we naturally fell into a rhythm where I lead (I was doing that already – it was my business) and made the decisions. Of course, I consult him about decisions – he’s my husband as well as my sales manager and business partner. But at the end of the day, I decide on business direction and strategy.
(As a side note, that’s why I always find it hugely amusing when people approach Gulliver to set up business deals. The assumption that because he’s male, he obviously is actually running the show and I’m just a figurehead is quite funny. They’ll push him to make a decision about the strategic direction of the company and they’ll end up getting a no, because why would I work with someone who doesn’t even want to involve me in discussions about my own business!).
Gulliver doesn’t always agree with the decisions I make. And at the end of the day, I take full responsibility for everything that happens in my business. It’s not always fun being the leader – but it’s a job that has to get done.