When you’re fourteen and you expose yourself to the whole school you don’t live that down in a hurry.
When your Mum is the cause, it’s even worse.
I still blame the other girls banging on the shower cubicle door and hissing profanitites at me for my quick exit and the way my mother swept me up before I could even dress myself.
Barely wrapped in my towel, she shoved my clothes into my hands, spun me around and pushed me out of the shower block and into the pool area where everyone was frantically gathering their own things and heading out the gates.
The sky had darkened in the moments I had headed into the shower block after my last swim race, and everyone was desperately trying to leave before the storm hit. My mother, hand in the middle of my back, pushed me on, forcing me forward, so that I had to clutch my clothes close to my body to hold up my towel, as people swirled around me and into me.
I tried to gather myself as the towel made its way slowly down. I wasn’t fast enough. Just before I lost it altogether, my mother grabbed the towel, pulling it up to protect my modesty (which was apparently just my breasts) and dragged me forward.
It was in these moments that my whole arse was exposed. And then I tripped, so those behind got an extra view. Not something I fully realised until the next school day, when apparently pink became my token colour.
What was about 5 minutes of shame, ended up being about a month’s worth of humiliation.
SO WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?
Well, back in the ’90s before social media was rampant and ‘everyone’ had an online presence, an incident such as this had the ability to gain wide publicity and be ‘new’ for more than fifteen..well..seconds.
But we now live in a world where everyone is connected in more ways than ever before in history, and it’s much easier for people to have their fifteen minutes, which means being discovered, requires you need to connect in a world so much more competitive, and overexposed. In a society where trends last as long as the memory of a goldfish.
Everything new is old again in the blink of an eye, where it seems the only guaranteed way of success is to expose yourself – literally. Take that selfie. Make that sex tape. Obliterate all taboos.
BUT DO YOU NEED TO BE CONTROVERSIAL TO BE NOTICED?
It’s true. Exposing yourself in this way gets you noticed. But maybe for all the wrong reasons.
If you believe being controversial is the ONLY way to get attention, to be discovered, to have longevity, then you could very well be going about it all wrong.
So how do you get noticed? How do you cut through the white noise, without having to ‘bare it all?’
It takes courage and consistency. You need to be committed, have creative integrity. Take control.
You need people to be able to FIND you. Know you exist. Connect to you. You need to start by contributing something to the world around you, by sharing your work, your stories, your ideas.
You.
Not your arse.
CUTTING OUT THE MIDDLE MAN
You know those conjoined paper people you made in school by folding the paper and cutting out the silhouette? Imagine cutting out the guy in the middle, screwing him up and throwing him in the bin, just to be left with the two on the end.
Now visually sticky tape those two back together, those end guys, because the world now means that the screwed up guy in the bin is (in many instances) unnecessary.
Which is lucky because he is now…well…all screwed up.
Now, I have no plans to cut and throw my Mum in the bin (just saying) but I guess you could say that she inadvertently became the Middle Man that day , pushing me out the door, helping me gain exposure in front of a 100 or more people, all already focused on other things.
Much to my embarrassment.
Luckily these days (unless you are a Kardashian and god forbid) you don’t need your Mum or any other ‘middle man’ to gain exposure for yourself.
You can handle that all by yourself. It’s up to you to drive. It’s up to you to expose ‘your’ self.
Take the power back.
EXPOSE YOURSELF
Show the world your personality, in ALL IT’S GLORY. (Yes I said personality. No that’s not a metaphor.)
Drop the facade (not the towel). You don’t need to be someone else, act ‘professionally’ (whatever the hell that REALLY means), pretend you have it all together.
Whatever it is you love, whatever it is you do, share that.
You don’t wait until you have it all figured out before you get yourself ‘out there’.
Go on a journey with it. Figure out who you are, your voice, what it is you want to express. As you go along. It will reveal itself to you. Just get going. Do what you love. The rest will follow.
So stop waiting to be ready. You’re ready now.
BEHIND THE SCENES.
“Show the world what you really do. Be open, visual and honest.” —Justin McMurray
People love gossip as much as they love to see what’s behind the curtain (or beneath the towel as it turns out.) Pull back the covers and reveal a little of what’s beneath. People love that.
If you’re struggling, share it. If you’ve discovered a new way of doing things, teach it. Show people how you go about things. There’s something very human about showing people that you are not just your end product.
What you reveal may not always be pretty, but it lets others in on the ‘secret.’ And people love secrets. But not the ones you keep guarded. Where’s the fun in that?
So you may not be able to make friends with salad, but you can by sharing what you’re doing, where you’re going and how you plan to get there.
“You were born to be real, not perfect.” – Unknown
FLASH A LITTLE EVERYDAY
Alright, alright, close that trenchcoat and put it away. I’m not talking about that kind of flashing!
Although that is one way to get noticed. (And arrested!)
Instead give people a sneak peek. Just a taste. The smallest glimpse. A random thought. Part of the process. Some embarrassing story about flashing strangers and peers or how you didn’t get to finish your work that one day, because your elderly neighbour drove into the side of your house (true story btw!)
Get people excited about what you’re doing. Let them go on that journey with you.
Every. Single. Fucking. Day.
HOW MUCH TO REVEAL
Some of you may want to go full frontal. Reveal everything. And each to their own.
There is nothing wrong with being candid. It’s part of the human experience. But people can fill in the gaps, the mind is amazing like that.
So I suggest you leave a little to the imagination. Be selective. Show a little leg, but not the whole thigh.
Show process. Show finished work. Show the work you want to do. Any time you branch out or try something new talk about that.
Just don’t dump EVERYTHING out there.
Not everyone wants to know what you had for breakfast.
THE INTERNET IS YOUR CAMPFIRE
Tell stories.
About you. About your work. Share the good, bad and downright ugly.
People won’t know anything about you unless you tell them. Don’t be faceless. Don’t believe your work will ‘speak for itself.’
It won’t.
You are the main character in your own story. So don’t be a one dimensional – walk on, background one. Take that lead role and express yourself in 3D.
Let people in. Reveal who you really are. Be vulnerable. Let people know you make mistakes. Realise you’re human. Share in your wins.
Share stories that create human connections. The ones where you don’t always get it right, the ones that make you (and others) blush and especially those that let people experience your world, through your eyes.
So light the fire, pull up a log and pass over the marshmallows.
CREATE YOUR COMMUNITY
Snub Isolation. People want to connect.
Be Interactive. Engage. Share experiences. Give and gain feedback. Share accomplishments. And stories of survival. Contribute.
Despite the rugged sexiness of the ‘Loner Type’ (Are they really that sexy or are we just romanticising the Hobo?), don’t be that Lone Soldier. Things are always better shared (except maybe that salted caramel ice cream that no you can’t have because it is all mine, so hands off thank you very much).
Followings are built when people know that you are just like them. That you are human. And being human means you are not perfect. It means that sometimes you need support. It means building lifelong relationships.
We are pack animals. We love to be part of something. We like to be acknowledged. We all want to belong in some way or another. So gather your minions, people around you, like a nice warm preferably XL towel, to shield you from the harsh outside storms.
And don’t be a jerk.
Follow just as much as you share.
SIDE EFFECTS
Side Effects to putting yourself online may include:
- hair loss
- induced vomiting
- growing a thick skin
- sleep deprivation
- uncontrollable rants
- influx of douchebags
- hallucinations
- severe trolling, and so on.
Look, you’re gonna get it. Believe me. With all the good comes all the bad. Be prepared.
Unfortunately some people think they are reserved the right to be a jerk just because they are behind a computer and you have decided to put yourself online, as if you suddenly become public property and are at the mercy of those relentless ‘keyboard warriors.’
But you know what? Let people take their best shot, take the hits. Stand your ground. Just promise to keep doing what you’re doing.
You’ll soon realise the more they throw at you the more they miss. It won’t hurt so much after a while.
Learn to laugh at yourself. Be okay with who you are and the work you do. Learn to be strong and they can’t hurt you.
“Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.” – Tyrion, Game of Thrones
The Internet is just a mass game of dodgeball. Learn to duck and weave. And throw back when necessary.
Seriously. You got this.
TAKE THOSE OPPORTUNITIES
If an opportunity is presented to you, and it speaks to you on some level, then take it.
I mean if someone said – “Would you like bacon on your burger?” You’d take the damn bacon right? Unless, of course, you’re a vegetarian and then, well, I can’t help you there. You’d just be missing out.
You see, the more of these opportunities you take, the more will come. Doors always seem to lead to more doors. Well until you open the one to the outside and then who knows what you might find? < Good thing.
‘Selling out’ just means you’re willing to share what you have, who you are, be entertaining. It means you have ambition, you’re willing to gather those reigns and see where it takes you.
So are you going to ride that pony?
NEVER, EVER, GIVE UP
Keep moving even when the chips are down, the plate is smashed and there is sauce everywhere. You don’t want to get cut feet and end up sitting and crying in the corner as life passes you by. Do you?
Your story is not over until you die. Well actually your life is not over until you die, your story is more like a ghost, it can stick around for some time. But it is a long and uncertain process.
So.
Be memorable. Create a legacy. Stick around. Jump on the rollercoaster. It’s not always going to go well. But for every setback there is a lesson (like always making sure you get changed IN the shower cubicle) to be learned.
You can change and change your mind. You can falter, you can retreat for a while but don’t ever leave. (It’d be sad to see you go.)
You have got to stick with it and you have got to let the world experience who you are.
Because it truly is yours for the taking.
Expose Yourself