On May 1st, 2015, SurveyMonkey CEO Dave Goldberg was on holiday in Mexico when he suffered a cardiac arrhythmia. He died within seconds.
His wife, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, has rarely discussed the Goldberg’s death in public over the last year, but last week came to use it as the basis for her 2016 UC Berkley commencement speech.
After recounting her grandmother’s experience at the university, Sandberg tells the students “I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life. Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death”.
She cites psychologist Martin Seligman’s ‘Three P’s of Pessimism’ as the basis for how we all react to loss – whether it’s not getting a job, breaking up with our partners, or losing a loved one. They are as follows:
Personalisation – the act of blaming ourselves for the loss, and claiming it as proof that we can never do anything right.
Pervasiveness – letting the loss impact on all elements of our life.
Permanence – using the loss as an excuse not to continue with our lives.
Sandberg explains how she overcame each of these three obstacles, declaring “You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive”.
The stories of our heroes, of the great people who have inhabited our world, are testament to this truth.
Sandberg’s speech is emotional, yet grounded. It was unmistakably brave of her to invoke memories of some of the hardest days she will ever face.
Whether her words can really prepare the Berkeley graduating class of 2016 – or, in fact, anyone who watches the video – for the harrowing grief that life holds in store is questionable, but her goal in speaking them can not be doubted.